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Lesson One: Influential Experience Sample Essay
(by
EssayEdge) |
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Note:
The
below
essay
was not
edited
by
EssayEdge
Editors.
It
appears
as it
was
initially
reviewed
by
admissions
officers.
SAMPLE
ESSAY:
It was
early
May and
the
cherry
blossoms
were in
full
bloom as
the sun
shimmered
between
the
passing
clouds.
Except
for a
mandatory
essay
assignment
about
one of
the
sights,
it was a
perfect
day for
a visit
to the
nation's
capital.
What I
had not
anticipated
was a
sleek,
black
memorial
that
angled
out from
the side
of a
hill.
Gazing
at the
stark
granite
and the
infinite
list of
names, I
could
not
imagine
choosing
another
sight to
write
about.
So much
emotion
existed
there. I
simply
had to
transcribe
those
intangible
feelings
onto
paper.
I wasn't
very
surprised
to be
included
as one
of the
finalists
in the
"Best
D.C.
Essay
Contest."
I was,
however,
shocked
to win
first
place in
the
eighth-grade
division.
The
essay
was then
passed
along to
the
President
of the
local
VFW
post,
which
was
sponsoring
a
Memorial
Day
essay
contest.
Here,
too, I
won in
the
eighth-grade
division.
The
awards
were
purely
worldly
items: a
year's
supply
of
Coca-Cola,
a $25
check,
and the
chance
to ride
on a
float in
the City
of
Greensburg
parade.
At the
end of
the
parade,
a
ceremony
followed.
I stood
up,
walked
over to
the
podium,
and
began:
"A young
child
rubs off
the name
of a
grandfather
seen
only in
photographs..."
I looked
up and
saw all
the eyes
on me.
The
nervous
feelings
that
traveled
with me
from my
seat to
the
podium
were now
long
gone.
The
words I
had
written
flowed
easily
from my
mouth. I
wanted
everyone,
even
those
who had
never
seen the
Memorial,
to feel
the same
sentiments
that I
had
felt. I
don't
remember
people
clapping
after I
finished
reading
my
essay.
Maybe
they
were too
moved to
make a
motion;
maybe I
was too
moved to
hear
them.
As my
family
and I
were
walking
back to
our car,
the VFW
President
stopped
me. He
told me
that he
had
served
in
Vietnam
and that
some of
his
friends'
names
appeared
on that
wall. He
was one
of the
contest
judges,
and he
had
found it
difficult
to
complete
reading
my
composition
from
behind
his
tears.
He had
to give
it to
his wife
to
finish.
When he
concluded
his
story I
replied,
"Thank
you,"
but I
was
completely
dumbfounded
as to
what to
say. The
idea
that he
was
moved by
my
simplistic
writing
made me
realize
that I
was a
writer!
I had
reached
into
someone's
internal
self,
touched
it, and
left a
mark.
Reading
my essay
to
everyone
was one
of the
most
memorable
moments
in my
life.
That day
I
realized
something
very
valuable
about
the
power of
the
written
word-if
you
place
the
right
words in
the
right
order,
you can
change
people's
lives!
Despite
my many
remarks
to
adults
that I
was
going to
be an
engineer
or
scientist,
I knew
deep
down
that I
really
wanted
to
continue
writing.
To
remain
satisfied,
I would
have to
publish
my
writings.
What
good is
a
powerful
statement
if it
isn't
heard or
read?
The
answer
was
clear: I
would
become a
journalist.
Sometimes
I wonder
where my
road to
the
future
would be
leading
me if
that man
had
never
approached
me after
my
oration
that
day. I
never
would
have
known
that
someone
had
listened
and
cried
because
of my
words.
"Memories
in
Granite"
would
have
been
pushed
into a
manila
folder
and
never
have
been
thought
of. The
only
time I
would
have
even
remembered
the
essay
would
have
been
while
sipping
my
refreshing-and
free-Coca-Cola.
Now,
every
time I
imagine
myself
covering
a plane
crash or
writing
an
article
about
some new
political
scandal,
I think
of that
little
essay
and the
lives it
affected.
I
visualize
the
personal
satisfaction
of
seeing
my name
in the
by-line
of the
story
thousands
all over
the
region
are
reading.
I can
only
imagine
touching
people's
souls,
the way
I did
that one
day
Memorial
Day.
COMMENTS:
This
student
is
clearly
a good
writer.
He
establishes
setting
and
context
without
doing so
explicitly.
By
stating,
" What
I had
not
anticipated
was a
sleek,
black
memorial
that
angled
out from
the side
of a
hill.
Gazing
at the
stark
granite
and the
infinite
list of
names, I
could
not
imagine
choosing
another
sight to
write
about,"
he
allows
the
reader
to infer
that he
has come
face-to-face
with a
war
memorial,
a moving
tribute
he has
chosen
as the
topic of
his
contest
essay.
The
second
paragraph
opens
with a
sentence
that
seems to
indicate
the
student
may be a
bit
conceited.
However,
he
quickly
follows
it with
a
statement
that
relates
his more
humble
side: "I
was,
however,
shocked
to win
first
place in
the
eighth-grade
division."
The
fourth
paragraph
succeeds
in
creating
a vivid
sense of
the
situation
in the
reader's
mind.
The
applicant
notes
the
power of
the
event
through
this
statement:
"He was
one of
the
contest
judges,
and he
had
found it
difficult
to
complete
reading
my
composition
from
behind
his
tears.
He had
to give
it to
his wife
to
finish."
Focusing
on how
the
man's
response
to his
essay
moved
the
student
to
realize
his
passion
for and
ability
in
writing
evinces
a mature
young
man
focused
on a
clear
goal
("Despite
my many
remarks
to
adults
that I
was
going to
be an
engineer
or
scientist,
I knew
deep
down
that I
really
wanted
to
continue
writing.").
This is
the
major
accomplishment:
self-realization.
What
makes
this
applicant
special
is that
he has
followed
up on
his
interest
in
writing,
thinking
about
the ways
in which
he will
use his
skill in
the
future:
"Now,
every
time I
imagine
myself
covering
a plane
crash or
writing
an
article
about
some new
political
scandal,
I think
of that
little
essay
and the
lives it
affected."
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