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SAMPLE ESSAY:
I close my eyes
and can still
hear her, the
little girl with
a voice so
strong and
powerful we
could hear her
halfway down the
block. She was a
Russian peasant
who asked for
money and in
return gave the
only thing she
had--her voice.
I paused outside
a small shop and
listened. She
brought to my
mind the image
of Little Orphan
Annie. I could
not understand
the words she
sang, but her
voice begged for
attention. It
stood out from
the noises of
Arbat Street,
pure and
impressive, like
the chime of a
bell. She sang
from underneath
an old-style
lamppost in the
shadow of a
building, her
arms extended
and head thrown
back. She was
small and of
unremarkable
looks. Her brown
hair escaped the
bun it had been
pulled into, and
she occasionally
reached up to
remove a stray
piece from her
face. Her
clothing I can't
recall. Her
voice, on the
other hand, is
permanently
imprinted on my
mind.
I asked one of
the translators
about the girl.
Elaina told me
that she and
hundreds of
others like her
throughout the
former Soviet
Union add to
their families'
income by
working on the
streets. The
children are
unable to attend
school, and
their parents
work fulltime.
These children
know that the
consequence of
an unsuccessful
day is no food
for the table.
Similar
situations
occurred during
the Depression
in the United
States, but
those American
children were
faceless
shoeshine boys
of the twenties.
This girl was
real to me.
When we walked
past her I gave
her money. It
was not out of
pity but rather
out of
admiration. Her
smile of thanks
did not
interrupt her
singing. The
girl watched us
as we walked
down the street.
I know this
because when I
looked back she
smiled again. We
shared that
smile, and I
knew I would
never forget her
courage and
inner strength.
She was only a
child, yet was
able to pull her
own weight
during these
uncertain times.
On the streets
of Moscow, she
used her voice
to help her
family survive.
For this
"Annie," there
is no Daddy
Warbucks to come
to the rescue.
Her salvation
will only come
when Russia and
its people find
prosperity.
COMMENTS:
This essay opens
with an engaging
introduction,
creating a
vivid, detailed
picture of the
experience in
the reader's
mind. Using the
character of
Little Orphan
Annie as a way
to give the
reader a sense
of Elaina's
qualities is
successful.
Though the
student knows
most people will
have knowledge
of the
character, she
adds extra
detail to make
Elaina
distinctive.
Such descriptive
phrases as
"Russian
peasant," "Arbat
Street,"
"old-style
lamppost," and
"shadow of a
building" help
establish the
unique setting
in a creative
manner.
The middle
paragraph
develops the
significance of
the issue,
comparing it to
the Great
Depression of
the 1930s. This
specific
evidence,
combined with
the detailed
explanation of
the student's
personal
experience, wins
over the reader
to the student's
argument.
This essay is
interesting
because the
thesis is at the
end of the
essay. Since the
student has been
subtle with her
points, using a
vivid
description of
the anecdote to
plead her case,
the strategy is
successful. The
student comes
across as a
mature
candidate,
because she has
an opinion she
backs up with
evidence without
being preachy. |
