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Lesson One: Future Goals Sample Essay
(by
EssayEdge) |
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Note: The below
essay was not
edited by
EssayEdge
Editors. It
appears as it
was initially
reviewed by
admissions
officers.
SAMPLE
ESSAY:
Knock, knock.
The door opens a
crack.
"Hi, can I speak
to you for a
minute?"
"Go away. Don't
speak good
English," the
man says while
he begins to
shut the door.
"Please, I'll
only take up a
minute of your
time."
"No want to buy.
Go!"
"I don't want to
sell you
anything. I'd
like you to
register to-"
The door slams
in my face.
Knock, knock.
The door opens
all the way.
"Hi, can I speak
to you for a
minute?"
"Only speak a
little English,"
the woman says
pleasantly.
"That's OK. I'd
like you to
register to
vote."
"Huh?"
Slower, "I'd
like you to
register to
vote."
"No." The
woman's tone
changes from
openness to
hostility.
"The
congressional
election is next
month. I think
Marty Meehan's
policy on tax
credits and his
belief in
raising the
minimum wage
would benefit
you."
"My vote not
count."
"Please, the
reason I'm here
is that-"
The door slams
in my face.
These are two of
the dozens of
conversations I
had while I
registered
voters in the
Lawrence,
Massachusetts,
projects. Many
of the people I
spoke to do not
speak English
well, and even
fewer have any
interest in
voting. They
think it is a
waste of their
time and believe
that their vote
has no impact.
Even though I
tried to explain
Mr. Meehan's
position on tax
credits, the
minimum wage,
and subsidies
for the poor,
their view of
government as a
large, foreign
entity over
which they have
no control is so
strong that many
would not listen
to me and my
arguments to the
contrary.
The people I
spoke to fear
and are
suspicious of
the government,
probably because
it is human
nature to fear
authority. This
fear upsets me
because it is
one of the
reasons the poor
do not
participate in
the system. If
they voted as a
group, the
government would
be forced to
listen to them
and implement
policies that
benefited them.
Politicians are
afraid to cut
social security
because senior
citizens vote
and have a very
powerful lobby.
If the
underprivileged
classes
organized, they
could have that
kind of
political clout.
Yet I realize
the people I
spoke to do not
see themselves
as part of the
system and have
no belief in it.
Thus, the system
has to reach out
to them. That is
why I registered
voters and why I
plan to
participate in
Clinton
's reelection
campaign. I
would like to
have a career in
government
because I want
to have a
positive impact
on people's
lives. I realize
I sound cheesy
and idealistic,
but I'm only 17,
and one of the
benefits of
being this age
(possibly the
only benefit) is
that I have not
been tainted by
cynicism.
However, I do
not know what
role in
government I
would like to
play. I would
like to have the
power that
elected
officials have;
their decisions
affect everyone
in this country.
Yet too often,
in order to get
into and stay in
office,
politicians
compromise
principles. I do
not want to
compromise my
liberal beliefs,
for if I did, I
would not be
helping those I
want to help. An
alternative to
running for
office, working
for a grassroots
organization,
would enable me
to maintain my
beliefs. Also, I
like the direct
interaction with
people that this
line of work
affords.
However, most
organizations
focus on one
cause, and I am
interested in a
number of
issues.
How I'll be
involved in
government is a
question for the
future. Right
now I'm excited
about turning 18
in a
presidential
election year.
Obviously the
people in the
Lawrence
projects do not
feel as I do. I
hope that I'll
be able to
influence people
like them to
change their
minds.
COMMENTS:
The dialogues
that open this
essay
immediately set
it apart from
the usual
personal
statements. An
admissions
officer who has
been dulled by
the ninety-ninth
consecutive
narrative
beginning with
the word ‘‘I''
is likely to be
revived by this
essay's
unconventional
opening. The
writer has a
good ear for
human speech and
neatly
distinguishes
the two
exchanges
through the
gestures and
tones of voice
of the people
she encounters.
This early sign
that the writer
writes well is
borne out by the
clarity and
directness of
all the
sentences that
follow, by the
amusing aside
about the
limited benefits
of being 17, and
by her return at
the end of the
essay to its
starting
point-the
residents of the
Lawrence
projects.
The essay also
makes it clear
that the writer
thinks
well. She does
not simply have
experiences; she
considers what
her experiences
mean. Her work
in the
voter-registration
drive prompts
her reflections
on a number of
related topics:
the attitude
toward
government of
the project
residents; the
difference
between the
interest-group
politics of the
elderly and of
the poor; her
own political
aspirations; the
difficult
relationship
between personal
integrity and
political
effectiveness;
and the
differences
between elective
and grassroots
politics. That
the writer can
present all
these thoughts
in the space of
four short
paragraphs
indicates how
tightly
constructed the
essay is.
The piece's
principal
strength is the
writer's candor.
Some students
might hesitate
to express their
liberal
political
convictions for
fear of
offending a
conservative
reader. Some
might pretend to
be certain about
their career
plans or fear
that uncertainty
might be
interpreted as a
lack of
seriousness.
Unlike these
risk-averse
students, this
writer honored
the request that
all colleges
make, in one
form or another:
Tell us who you
are so that we
will get to know
the person
behind the facts
and figures of
the rest of your
application. By
refusing to
pretend to be
anyone other
than who she is,
this student
produced a
successful
essay. |
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