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Getting an interview is hard enough. You've already
spent time and effort writing your resume and
distributing it. Now you've got to the all important
interview. Only one person will get the job, so you
owe it to yourself to make the best possible
impression. If you can make yourself instantly
likeable you will have an important head start.
Ever noticed how lovers in a bar will sit facing
each other across a small table and adopt the same
pose. Their synchronicity indicates a desire to be
in tune with each other. As one changes position
watch how the other will soon adopt the same new
position so that their bodies remain synchronized.
This behaviour is called mirroring because they
place their bodies so that they are a mirror image
of each other. And this behaviour isn't just
confined to lovers. Watch a small group of people in
any meeting, whether social or business, and you'll
soon be able to tell who is in tune with whom and
the ones that are feeling less comfortable with
their companions.
Next time you are with someone, make a point of
adopting the same body position. If they are
standing at a bar with one elbow on the bar and
their ankles crossed, stand next to them in the same
pose. You may be surprised at how quickly they
respond more warmly towards you.
As
they change posture, wait a few seconds and then
slowly slide into their new position. Don't be shy
because they won't consciously notice that your
movements are deliberate. But their subconscious
will be aware and interpret your mirroring as a
friendly gesture. They will also feel safer facing
someone who looks the same.
The
first time I heard about this technique, I was
somewhat skeptical. I had to attend a business
meeting with someone many miles away so I thought I
would try mirroring him on the basis that if he
realised what I was doing or reacted unfavourably it
wouldn't matter much as at least I wouldn't have to
make the same long journey again.
I
decided that I would mirror him but not lead our
discussion. Instead I would let him do all the
talking and only talk when necessary. We sat on
opposite sides of his desk and right from the
beginning I adopted his pose. Each time he changed
position I would follow within a minute or so. He
was a smoker but I am not so I held a pen whilst he
smoked.
Our
meeting began at two o'clock and I thought it would
last about an hour or an hour and a half at most.
But I was in for a big surprise. After two hours
there was still no sign from him that our meeting
should end.
For
my part, I was intrigued at how well we were getting
along. He kept telling me how pleased he was that I
had come so far to meet him and how much he was
enjoying our conversation. This was a surprise
especially since I had hardly spoken.
When it got to half past five I had to interrupt and
make my apologies for bringing our meeting to a
close. Again he thanked me profusely for visiting
him.
Clearly, the fact that I had been a good listener
was very important but without my mirroring I do
believe he would not have felt so at ease with me.
Since then, I have mirrored people in all sorts of
situations and have always had a positive response.
More recently, I have introduced mirroring to job
candidates who have all found it beneficial. It even
works if you are being interviewed by a board. As a
board member asks a question, swivel in your seat to
face the questioner and at the same time slide your
body into the same posture they have.
Mirroring happens unconsciously between people who
like each other. By deliberately mirroring you are
simply showing that you are in tune with another
with the result that you will receive a positive
response.
Try
it with the next person you meet. Once you are sure
of its beneficial effect, you will have the
confidence to use it at your next interview. Of
course, you will still have to prepare for the
interview and answer the interview questions
correctly, but mirroring will certainly tip the
balance in your favour.
Michael Soliatis operates the Career Advice Network
offering career, resume and aptitude test advice.
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